Waffle Fish Pancake

Everyone loves to hear a good story about some seedy motel/hotel someone once stayed in. You hear the Four Rooms movie references and laugh. It’s all fun and games until it’s YOUR turn to experience it in all it’s stomach turning glory. Welcome to the tale of my personal hotel horror story.

Picture it. I’m on tour with Man Thing’s band. We are travelling all over the US. Eventually, we are going to need to sleep.  We see a sign for a hotel on a highway sign.  The Galaxy Inn and Suites, it’s sounds nice, right?

If I knew then, what I know now. I could have this conversation.

Hypothetical Front Desk Person: I got rooms available. Two are in a shit hole and the others are two double bed rooms at the Galaxy Inn and Suites. Which would you like?

Me: Oh, hands down! I’ll take the shit holes!

Hypothetical Front Desk Person: Smart choice.

From the outside I would of never guess what was waiting for me inside. The building had attractive stucco work and a large new parking lot. Once thru the doors I was met by water stained 20 year old carpet that had the aroma of moldy bread. My first impression was that smell and a depressed ice maker. I had a moment of damn it, this isn’t looking promising. I don’t get to make the choices about where we stay. I’m the merch girl, not the talent. I tried to stay positive. I ressured myself that perhaps the room would be better.

 I’m a small girl. I don’t  work on crafting my lifting shit skills. I ride a bike to nowhere at the gym while watching music videos of Rihanna. I use 12 lbs dumbbells in each hand and think I’m kinda a bad-ass for it. I do cardio kickboxing and yoga. I also like clothes and shower supplies, A LOT. Which explains why I have a cumbersome hot pink with white polka dots suitcase. It’s heavy, like 45 lbs heavy. Yoga hasn’t prepared me for the two flights of stairs I will need to carry this suitcase up in heels along with my laptop bag, purse and pillow. Why?  Because the Galaxy Inn is apparently anti-elevator.

After a back breaking trip up the stairs, I open the door to my room. The very first thing I see is a clothes rack with mis-matched hangers that is attached on the wall by two screws and one of the two is going on vacation.

Clothes rack.... sort of

I step into fairly large burn hole in the carpet and almost fall over trying to inspect the rack of doom. Pass the ghetto rack is a very sad sink and it’s friend

Sink and wtf ever that thing is

… what the fuck is that?

It's supposely a blow dryer.

A vacuum? I was pretty sure it was a vacuum until I turned it on. Wrong, it’s a hairdyer. It blows luke warm dusty light brown air at me that I proceed to choke on.  Perfect! Just what every girl dreams of drying their freshly cleaned locks with a vacuum on fucking reverse!  

I really dislike this room and I haven’t even seen the bed yet. I need to use the little girl’s room so I can stop doing the potty dance. I leave my stuff on the stained counter of the sink and go into the bathroom. I’m greeted by a moth. I look up. There is a large family of moths living in the fan/light.

Inside that hole is a 100,000 strong army of tiny moths

The toilet is really low to the ground and doesn’t appear to be  clean. I decide to do the hover squat thing. While tinkling, I get a lovely view of the black tar and dried blood on the bath mat.

Bath mat

 I pull back the shower curtain out of morbid curiosity. There’s a grey ring around the tub, a used band-aid, an open soap wrapper and green ooze dried on.

Corner of the tub

I wash my hands without soap in cold water because the soap was pre-filthy and the water didn’t get warm.

Dirty soap

I will not be showering in that. It’s official, I want to leave!

Me: Are we really going to stay here?

Man Thing: I don’t want, too.

Me: I’m going to go ask the rest of the guys.

I leave my room and walk next door. I’m just about there when I see a man in a jean onesie. Yes, a mother fucking onesie! The thing most people only put on newborns! And he looks a hell of a lot like Santa. His smile reveals that he doesn’t have more than four teeth. He proudly lifts a bottle of beer in my direction and smiles bigger. At this point, I start banging on the door and screaming, LET ME FUCKING IN!! They open the door and laugh. One of them is in the shower, one is shaving and one is in bed. I look around their room it’s equally nasty. They don’t seem to mind though. Men are so bizarre to me sometimes. I realize that I’m not going anywhere. There’s not even any point in asking if they want to leave. I consider crying but I’m too tired. I check to see if the coast is clear before committing to leaving. No crack heads or super scary Santas. I run back to my room.

Man Thing: Well?

Me: We’re staying.

I tell myself since I have no choice but to stay here I should try to make the best of it. I set my things on top of the only table because the floor is covered in a menagerie of nastiness: broken crayons, a little girl’s broken bracelet parts, burn holes, blood, dead bugs, and years of dirt.

Dried blood on the carpet

Crayons and beads

There’s a chair next to the table that I’m positive that someone murdered a puppy and then jerked off and took a piss on it.

You would like to take a seat?

 The television is next to the chair, but you can’t use it. 

No TV for you!

I pull back the covers on the bed. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!

I know it's not a very good picture, but there is little spots of blood all over these sheets

There’s blood spatter all over the sheets. The pillows were three flat pillows shoved into one case like a stack of pancakes.

Me to Man Thing: If a spring pokes me thru these sheets, do you think I’ll die?

Man Thing: No.

Me: Do think someone was killed on these sheets? 

Man Thing: No, there isn’t enough blood for that. Go to bed.

Me: Seriously, you think I can sleep on bloody sheets?

Man Thing: I don’t want to talk about this room anymore. I just want to sleep.

I start laughing like a nutcase. I’ve lost it. This continues for several minutes. I sudden stop when an idea pops into my head.

Me: I want different sheets. I’m going to the front desk and I’m going to demand clean sheets.

Man Thing: You can’t walk around here alone. I’m coming with you.

I’m really excited about getting nice new clean sheets. Honestly, I think I knew in my heart what was going to happen but my special girl optimism was in full overdrive mode. We arrive at the front desk. No one is sight. There was a sign where a person should be. It read: Dial 307 for service. We follow it’s directions. Six phones ring behind the desk. We wait ten minutes. Nothing happens. I make some grunting noises and stomp back to the room without blood free sheets.

I opt to sleep above the blankets. I start laughing again uncontrollably.

Man Thing: Stop laughing!

Me: I’m sorry, I can’t!

Man Thing: Turn off the light and go to sleep.

Me: No way! There’s blood on it!

Man Thing: There’s blood on everything here.

Me: * kicks and laughs like a loon while throwing a fit without crying*

Man Thing: Do you want to sleep on the bus?

Me: YES!

Man Thing: Ugh! You can’t it’s -27 below outside! Be quiet and go to sleep!

I laugh a couple more times out of childish spite and insanity then actually fell asleep out of exhaustion. One more day in that room and I would of suffered a psychological breakdown like the world has never seen before. The world dodged a bullet because we were going to Denver in the morning. I awoke up and laughed some more. Then opted out of showering. Sighting that I was probably cleaner now, than I would be if I was to risk my life showering in there.

Everyone finished changing and headed to the lobby. I was in the room by myself packing the last of my things, when some strange man just walked into my room. I screamed, he said, “Sorry.” then left. I picked up my pace, and packed my shit in record time. When I got to the lobby, I saw the “breakfast” was 2 week old danishes and trucker coffee. I was a little confused about the microwaves presence. I mean if someone tried to microwave one of the prehistoric pastries I’m pretty convinced it would turned into dust.

Oh goody! Free breakfast.... vomit!

No thanks!

Trucker sludge

The lobby looked like half get-your-kid-molested day care and half ran down kitchen.

This quite the lovely piece of window art.

This should be been a tip off…

Really? I think you're lying!

 This place had the best signs ever!

In case of a fire, read this taped on PAPER sign!

Oh, I feel uber safe now!

This sign was put under glass on the front desk, it's more important than fire information.

That’s when I saw it… The mattress that was probably was under the sheets I had slept on when the hooker got fucked on her rag in my room. It was inside the pool…. along with everything but the kitchen sink. Well, there was probably a sink in there and I just didn’t see it because I was too busy look at the bloody box springs.

Yay! They have a pool and it doubles as a dump!

 List of items in the pool:

Four blood soaked beds

One ten speed bike

One child size Huffy bike

A recliner

Multiple tables

All the ingredients for making meth

Full bags of trash

Broken nightstands

A TV set

A working fridge

A vacuum

Inside the hot tub:

Three more vacuums

More full trash bags

A bike

The corspe of R2D2

A baby crib

A box of Holy Bibles

A blow torch

I took a ton of picture of this pool room. I’m out of space to add more pictures on my blog, so I will put up the rest up on facebook. If you don’t have my facebook, too bad. I guess you will just have to use your imagine or visit the place in person. Good luck with that.

UPDATE!

I resized MBs to get this photo on here….. This is the BOX SPRINGS, not the mattress! Just try to think about how horrible the mattress had to be to be taken to the dumpster. I mean they are very emotionally attached to their trash here, they don’t throw it out. They collect it.

Just the box springs... think about it...

 

PS. People have been asking what band I was on tour with, so here’s a link for the curious. :)

http://fashionbomb.net/

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 10th, 2011 at 11:18 pm and is filed under Humorous to me, but I'm a bee so you might not get it.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

58 Responses Leave a Reply

    Ashe said:

    Mar. 11, 2011

    I remember this night, well hearing about it while things occurred anyways. The pictures were a nice touch, it was a little reassuring as my mind made things a lot worse with the detail I was given haha. I am so sorry you had to go through that though…

    U-Bob said:

    Mar. 11, 2011

    I feel like the ability of this hotel to infect me is not being restricted by the usual laws of the time-space continuum.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 11, 2011

      It was better than a haunted house for scaring the shit out of me. Just sayin’ if you really want to be scared rent a room. LOL

    Sassie Pixie said:

    Mar. 11, 2011

    Oh babe…That’s just….omg! I hope you had your shots….=(

    Me the Bee said:

    Mar. 12, 2011

    If someone had made human sized condoms, I would of slept in one that night!

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Yeah, I saw that! LOL But that was five years ago. A LOT has changed since then. Thanks for reading! I should review it to warn people what they are in for.

        Me the Bee said:

        Mar. 14, 2011

        For all of humanity.

    Rick Smith said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    Wow…

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Thanks for reading, Rick! Watch out for that bird! :D

    Jezebel Spirit said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    I got bedbugs just by reading your article.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Oh, no! LMAO! Thanks for reading! Sorry bed bugs found out the way to shift thru planes of reality before we did. Thanks again!

    jgodsey said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    did you try calling the health department?>

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      No, I didn’t think of that…. I should! Thanks for reading!!

    Joe said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    Um, small blood-stains on the sheets are a strong indication of bed-bugs, something I hope you didn’t bring home with you – they’re very expensive and difficult to get rid of.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      I’m okay! Thanks for your concern and reading! :D

    David said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    The brown-on-brown color scheme is really hard to read!

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Thank you! I appreciate things like this. I will try to change it to something easier on the eyeballs :) Honestly, I’m not sure how LOL but I will try. Thanks for reading. I’m sorry about the eye strain.

    Rev Matt said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    That wasn’t in Green River, Utah by chance? I stayed in a place I would swear was almost identical (added bonus: no locks on the doors).

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      HAHAHAHA! I’m sorry about your trauma. I feel your pain! No it wasn’t in Green River. I’ve been to Green River though, well, the rest stop off the interstate. It has scorpions! They were kinda cute for creepy crawlers. Thanks for reading!!

    hmburgers said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    Those blood dots on the sheets? Those are probably from bed bugs…

    It’s probably too late to do anything about it if you brought them back w/ you, but if you’re ever in a similar situation the best thing to do is leave your luggage in the truck of the car in the sun (in summer) for a day or two, the high temps will kill the bugs/eggs.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Thanks for the advice :) I didn’t get bed bugs, thank Buddha! I looked for them every night. I know someone who is having a bed bug problem though, I will pass your advice along to them :)

    hmburgers said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    Just to commiserate a bit…

    I was on a trip for work out in San Jose… flight was terribly delayed, I landed at midnight, took a taxi (no car or rental because we were hosting a convention at the hotel I was supposed to be saying at)… After calling what seemed like 15 other hotels the girl behind the desk announced she found me a place and that they would be paying for a taxi to take me there (and pick me up in the morning), and she cheerfully added “and it’s only 2 miles away”.

    There were a few clues that started popping up as I went…

    Clue #1 — It was the 15th hotel she called, but only 2 miles away.

    Clue #2 — The taxi driver, who didn’t say a word the whole trip said “Good Luck” when I got out, I offered a tip and he refused it… first time ever.

    Clue #3 — When I got there, I filled out some paperwork and saw that the rate was listed as $40/night… I thought maybe it was some special inter-hotel rate because the cheapest room around that I had seen otherwise was $250/night at a Day’s Inn… that was until I noticed the un-lit sign in their parking lot that said “$40/night, hourly rates available”

    Clue #4 — Hourly rates available!

    Clue #5 — After checking in the desk girl announced, “We normally close the desk midnight, we stayed open for you, if you need anything, we re-open the desk at 6AM, step back for the gate please”… she then turned a switch and a huge mall-store style gate closed around the check in area… hopefully my key works!

    I get to the room, it’s dark, I notice nothing that unusual except that the room is incredibly small–there is 1′ of walking space around the queen bed, that’s it… it was probably about an 8×8 space… I sit on the bed, take off my shoes for the first time in 21 hours and get up to the go to the bathroom… SQUISH… this is when I realize that the carpet in the entire room is completely saturated with some unknown liquid… I take off my now wet socks and put my shoes back on, go into the bathroom–the toilet is very obviously stopped up with someone else’s waste, so I did what I had to, which was piss in the bathtub drain.

    I laid some towels out over the top of the bed covers and slept full clothed. In the morning I was up at 6AM and calling a cab to take me to a car rental place… I spent the next night in a rental car and the following night I got a room at the original hotel.

    What pissed me off the most about this trip? It turns out that my company had reserved a SUITE at the hotel for the sole purpose of storing our equipment, something I learned on Day #3 when I had my own room… so they had a fully operation SUITE with two bed rooms and bathrooms, and no one staying in it…

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Oh my Buddha that crazy and hilarious! I laughed so hard at clue #2…. good luck… LOL! Thanks for sharing! I love a good horror story! What was the name of that place? I do not want to stay there!

    Wren said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    OMG. Tiny spots of blood on everything fabric, especially the mattresses? That’s the hallmark of bedbugs. DON’T bring any of the stuff you had with you back into your apartment. Wash everything fabric on high heat and bleach the shit out of your suitcase.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      First, thank you very much for reading! Big smiles! I didn’t get bed bugs. I looked for them everywhere we went. You’re comment made me laugh. I love the “bleach the shit out…” you sound like me. hahaha I love a good potty mouth pal! Thanks again!

    Cara said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    ROFL… my friend pointed me to this post stating it looked like something I would write… no way… you’re by far more hilarious. But I have experienced a dead hooker hotel in Gila Bend, AZ… twin sister of a motel called the Space Age Lodge. Thanks for the laugh! :)

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Aww Cara! You’re too too sweet!! You get hugs! Thanks for reading! What’s your blog called? I’ll read it! Sharing a link, if you like.

        Cara said:

        Mar. 16, 2011

        I’m hoping to get my lazy butt in gear and put a blog within my website- but for now I’m in the ghetto reaches of Tumblr.
        http://fictionalchick.tumblr.com/

        Thanks for the hugs! <3

          Me the Bee said:

          Mar. 16, 2011

          I will check it out! Thanks for replying! :D More hugs!

    winston smith said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    if your ‘man thing’ has a band that has so little money as to actually stay in a place like this, perhaps you should find a new ‘man thing’.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 14, 2011

      Dear Winston,

      Tours are really costly. The room was about $60, so it was reasonable but not super cheap. Man Thing is super crazy awesome wonderfuls! I think I may have just the thing for you :) http://kitten-pictures.com/ Check it out! You’re outlook on the world will improve! Cuteness makes all things better! And you even get a internets hug! HUG!

    Kimberli said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    Oh leece you are awesome in all your wonderful and hilarious writings. You are a Rock star my dear and I love it!

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 15, 2011

      Thanks babe! I’m pretty far from a rockstar…. lol I adore you! Biggest hug for you!

    Fiosguy said:

    Mar. 15, 2011

    I can’t believe they made you stay there. The bathroom alone would have made me leave, that is jesus-christ-freaking-nasty.
    You made me lol with the child molester art comment.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 15, 2011

      Fiosguy-

      I’m happy I could make you laugh! Thank you so much for reading!! :D

    massageon said:

    Mar. 15, 2011

    Holy.. …. Shit …. Balls. This place is not fit for humans. It should just be burned to the ground at this point. Can you imagine being the owner, I mean they must have just give up

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 15, 2011

      I totally agree with you! The owner(s) have completely given up. If I was them, I would bulldoze the place to the ground and sell the land.

      Thanks for reading, massageon!

    C said:

    Mar. 15, 2011

    The story was so compelling I had to look it up. Thankfully there seems to only be one Galaxie Hotel. You’ll appreciate the hotel provided description… Perhaps you should write a review?
    http://www.hotelscombined.com/Hotel/Galaxie_Inn_and_Suites_Faribault.htm

    Me the Bee said:

    Mar. 15, 2011

    It’s certainly a relief that they aren’t a chain! lol Thanks for reading!! I think I will leave a review. I did one for trip advisor. :)

    madmonq said:

    Mar. 17, 2011

    The finest blog post title I’ve seen in a while. Thanks for going through this so I could have a laugh.

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 17, 2011

      Aww thank you so much! No problem I don’t mind taking one for the team. lol :D

    coach madison said:

    Mar. 18, 2011

    hello the website is extremely fine.be thankful for anyone for anyone advise.

    Christi Gerwitz said:

    Mar. 20, 2011

    agree with you but you should think about the future of this as I think you didn’t explain fully.

    Kara said:

    Mar. 23, 2011

    Seriously one of the funniest/most disturbing things I have read in quite a while. Kudos to you for hanging in there…I most definitely could not have done it!

      Me the Bee said:

      Mar. 24, 2011

      Thank you for reading! I didn’t think I would make it at times. lol hugs!

    tabletki na odchudzanie said:

    Apr. 9, 2011

    You post great posts Just bookmarked !!!

      Me the Bee said:

      Apr. 10, 2011

      Aww thanks!! HUGS!!! :)

    Watch Priest Online said:

    Apr. 22, 2011

    This is a good blog. Keep up all the work. I too love blogging and expressing my opinions

    Strange, your page shows up having a red hue to it, what color is the main color on your site?

    cialis said:

    Apr. 25, 2011

    Hello dude! Amazing site! I really liked reading it.

    penis enlargement said:

    Apr. 30, 2011

    I discovered your blog web site on google and check just a few of your early posts. Continue to maintain up the superb operate. I just extra up your RSS feed to my MSN Information Reader. In search of forward to studying more from you later on!

    Really Gr8 ! Thanks For sharing..

    Pattaya Hotels said:

    May. 13, 2011

    Very Useful information , this is both good reading for, have quite a few good key points, and I learn some new stuff from it too, thanks for sharing your information.

    regards,
    chris

    Jesse said:

    May. 30, 2011

    I worked in the hospitality business for years, I’ve read a lot of “Hotel Hell” stories but yours is one of the scariest. Working for hotels and suppliers to hotels I’ve seen some stuff that would curl your hair. I’ve entered hotel rooms by stepping over chalk body outlines. I’ve moved TV sets and found drugs, needles, condoms and dead mice. I had to go into one wherein the carpet was so sticky I wouldn’t put my knee on it. I have some tips for anyone who cares that might help.

    1. Always ride around the building and scope out the neighborhood beforehand if you are going to be a walk-in (no reservation). Scuzzy outside=scuzzy inside.

    2. Check the outside trashcans near the lobby. If they are really full and/or smelly, RUN!

    3. If the sign out front mentions “Hourly Rates” that’s code for “HOOKERS WORK HERE”. RUN!

    4. If any of the rooms are boarded over…RUN! I’ve actually seen this.

    5. If the ice machines require money to dispense ice…RUN!

    6. If the lobby smells weird or is very dirty…RUN! No lodging business that cares at ALL keeps a dirty lobby. The rooms will be worse, almost guaranteed.

    Sorry so long but I hope this helps someone. Great blog. I enjoyed my visit.

    Mikel Cabanas said:

    Jun. 5, 2011

    Do you have an email list that you send out updates to your blog that I can subscribe to?. If not, I will check back often to checkout the updates.

    Me the Bee said:

    Mar. 14, 2011

    Esther,

    I put up a link to there site but then took it down because I want ask if it’s okay first. Man Thing isn’t home right now because he’s working on their music video. So I was thinking… Do you have a facebook? I’ll add you and then I can tell you. If you are comfty with that.

    Me the Bee said:

    Mar. 15, 2011

    YAY!! They said it’s okay for me to post it!

    http://fashionbomb.net/

    I thought it would be but I wanted to ask just to make sure. Sorry about the wait.

Leave a Reply